I was talking to another special needs parent the other day and an analogy came to me about what it’s like to raise a child with special needs. It’s not a perfect analogy, but I kind of love it so much, I decided to write an article about it.
The analogy is this: parents of “typical” children are raising their children on land, while parents of children with special needs are raising their children at sea.
We do not stand on steady ground as parents of children with special needs. The circumstances, the needs, the resources… shift beneath us. There are rough waters, towering waves that threaten to capsize our boats, and this feeling that there’s danger lurking below. We never quite trust the calm even when it comes because history tells us that it will not last. Another storm waits.
We sometimes watch those on land with a pang of envy— an ache for the sturdiness of solid ground. We thought that we would be land dwellers too. We thought that we would be able to count on the ground beneath our feet.
But alas, we cannot choose to be land dwellers. We are seafarers.
It’s not that those on land don’t face challenges. But they often have the gift of notice – an opportunity to prepare or escape; an underground bunker to hide in. And whether life itself will endure is rarely in question.
The storms at sea can come without notice. One moment calm, the next pure chaos. It’s easy to feel directionless, and at the whims of something far beyond our ability to control.
There is a slight relief when we see another seafarer— no words are needed to communicate the depth of understanding. Just a gentle smile and knowing nod as we each journey forward on unpredictable waters.
But this, my fellow seafarers, is the journey we chose. And lest we be swallowed whole by the mighty ocean, it’s time to surrender to it.
You see, when the mind and body come to see every wave — no matter how gentle — and every storm — no matter how weak — as a threat, we have lost touch with the gifts of this journey. And we might have forgotten that we are not travelling in dingeys or even sailboats, we have engines! We are resourced, empowered, and capable. That engine – that Divine connection to a power greater than any crashing wave or massive storm – can be directed. It can help us navigate rough waters with more ease and grace, and it can, as we master navigating in harmony with it, even be used to move us to calmer waters.
And, let us remember, tThere is an absolute magnificence that comes with learning to ride the waves rather than resist them; a power that is palpable and deep when we remove our attention from the feeling of threat and the need to brace, and place it squarely on the possibilities that may have been beyond our line of sight before, but were there the entire time.
You see, out on the ocean, we are being invited into a depth of stillness you can NEVER experience on land – because if you can achieve it, you have achieved it while not standing on solid ground. The true measure of your power is revealed in a single moment of this stillness.
Out on the ocean, we face the seemingly incomprehensible contrast of this human experience with the perfection that we have come to believe Heaven promises — allowing us to explore the depths of Truth and Divinity. And what we might come to learn in this exploration is that that Truth, that Divinity, that Heaven is within. It is here, now.
Out on the ocean, we learn that the sea never meant to defeat us. We curated this exact journey ourselves for the very purpose of awakening. Every storm, every crashing wave, every threatening sky carries with it the opportunity to surrender, to stand in courage, to cultivate peace, and to access Truth in just a little deeper way. And, there is pure magic available to us in the form of unparalleled depths of love, devotion, gratitude, and resilience.
Yes, as precarious, painful, and unpredictable as it can feel, this journey is exactly what it is meant to be.
I chose the sea. But, while I devote myself to the covenant I made, I will bask in every one of its Earthly riches. I will stand with the ocean breeze in my face and drink in the glistening reflection of the sun on the water; I will let the rhythm of those gentle moon-drawn waves soothe a frazzled nervous system; I will relish in the sunsets on an endless horizon. I chose the sea. And I refuse to miss its beauty.
