My children are drops of God in human Earth-suits. They are literally made of the stuff of God – as we all are. The fact that they have disabilities does not change their true nature.
Let me tell you about how this Truth (with a capital T) hit me.
I was at a spiritual retreat—a five-day event called “Breakthrough” dedicated to fostering breakthroughs in awareness. The night before the event was set to conclude, we had a celebration dinner. I was seated at a table with a group of other attendees, and we were sharing about our lives – where we were from, what we did for a living, our families, etc. When it was my turn to share, I started with the relevant facts – I was from Orange County, a constitutional lawyer, married with two kids, ages 17 and 14, and by the way, my son has Autism and my daughter has a neuromuscular condition and requires 24-hour care.
I had been describing my children that way for as long as I can remember – giving their names, ages, and then their disabilities. But this time, I heard myself saying it for the first time and it felt awful.
I went to bed that night thinking about how I had been talking about my kids all these years to complete strangers. When I woke up the next day, I started my morning with a practice that I had been introduced to at the retreat. One part of the practice asked me to reflect on anything that needed to be “released” or “repatterned” from the previous day.
Suddenly, the way that I had been talking about my children for literally years brought me to tears. I started sobbing and could not stop. I realized that I had been talking about facts, not Truth. I had been reducing my children to their disabilities and completely negating the only thing that really matters – their eternal, perfect, whole selves – their God essence.
Yes, my children have disabilities. But it is not WHO THEY ARE. Their disabilities are facts that they navigate on this human journey. Those facts affect their human experiences, but they do not describe my children at their core. Only Truth describes that. And the Truth is that my children, like all of us, are expressions of God living out a temporary human experience.
Through the tears, I came to terms with my motive in talking about my children this way: I wanted to be seen for all of the “hard work” I was doing raising TWO children with disabilities. I wanted to be acknowledged for “handling it all so well” – “Oh, wow! You have a lot on your plate”; “Man, you are one busy lady!”; “I don’t know how you do it.” It was all about me needing to be affirmed.
I made a vow in that moment to repattern the way I was describing my children. When I shared my new awareness with the entire group in the morning session, I told a new story.
This is the story I told:
My son Jacob is one of the most naturally compassionate people you will ever meet. He is a talented martial artist and a horse whisperer who commands the immediate trust of horses who won’t go near other people. My daughter Kennedy is a dancer, an actress, and a singer who loves performing in musical theater. She is a master manifestor and she’s got a killer sense of humor.
That’s it. That’s the story I tell now.
It begins and ends with the ways that LOVE FLOWS THROUGH THEM – their expressions of love, their innate gifts, their talents, and the ways they bring joy to others just by being themselves. If their disabilities are somehow relevant to the conversation, those facts come second to Truth.
With everyone I meet, I now endeavor to see the way that love flows through them first.
But as the mother of a child with special needs, I implicitly agreed to be a Guardian of Truth. And if you have a child with special needs, I believe that you agreed to it too. I invite you to step into that role in this moment.
Tell me, how does love flow through your child?
